...you wake up to the fact that good work will come from within; from an instinct deep inside, that was born the day you were. You explore yourself, you find your voice, you meet yourself for the first time.
You realise there are no limits. There is no certainty, no yellow brick road that will lead you to a concrete answer. You trust your instincts and remain excited about your appreciation of the endless possibility in this world.
The medium of film is a tool. With this tool you play God and you finally find a way to explore your questions.
Your interpretation of your surroundings builds the 'illusion' of your reality. Play with those interpretations, ask yourself 'what is my reality'? Make a film and realise that the reality within this fictional sphere is no less real than the reality as viewed by your conscience. Play with that reality too.
There really are no limits. You have the freedom to explore and discover. You discover yourself, you discover others. You ponder universal questions and attempt to reinterpret them. You play.
You have meaning to life.
It is best put by this man:
"To me it's so simple that life should be lived on the edge of life. You have to exercise rebellion - to refuse to tape yourself to rules, to refuse your own success, to refuse to repeat yourself, to see every day, every year, every idea as a true challenge and then you are going to live your life on a tightrope." - Phillippe Petit (Man on Wire)
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Blah
Going to Film School in Ealing Studios is a very exciting prospect at first, you feel as if you will be jumping right into the heart of the film industry.
In reality, the routine of the everyday quickly diminishes this excitement. To be honest I just feel I am going to school and no longer notice the huge sound stage doors as I walk to class. I have already become blasé!
The school is a school - you go to class, you sit in seminar discussions and you get to go out and make films...OK that last bit is not much like other schools.
At break we all mill around the main entrance for a cigarette. I don't smoke so I mill around looking like a bit of a dick, nevertheless I cleverly substitute my lack of tobacco dependance with tasty snacks- which means I now behave much as a smoker who had just given up smoking would - that is, substituting my nicotine cravings with food. I am putting on weight as a result, but alas, this is what I must do to fit in.
So far everything has been a bit of a blur, going to class again after so long is STRANGE. I am older now, I don't want to do shots in the pub at 5.00pm. Indeed, I realized just how much I had changed when confronted today with the prospect of shots and delivering a knee-jerk response: "you must be joking, at this hour? I haven't yet had tea"
OK, so I'm old and boring. That's one thing I've learned this week (but I secretly knew it already). Another novelty of starting school has been using my brain again. Let's be honest, anyone who used to work with me will know that once I knew I was leaving, my brain switched into standby/repeat for my final six months in the office. I leave school every day literally unable to talk to anyone, I flee to a quiet corner of Starbucks and nurse my shell shock with caffeinated drinks.
Another thing about going back to school is all the new people. They are everywhere and from everywhere. I love the diversity of the school, it brings all different perspectives to film making - we write short story scenarios in class and the diverse imaginative workings are really interesting...what is also amazing are the real life stories we have that we can all use and draw from.
That's it for now. MUST. SLEEP.
In reality, the routine of the everyday quickly diminishes this excitement. To be honest I just feel I am going to school and no longer notice the huge sound stage doors as I walk to class. I have already become blasé!
The school is a school - you go to class, you sit in seminar discussions and you get to go out and make films...OK that last bit is not much like other schools.
At break we all mill around the main entrance for a cigarette. I don't smoke so I mill around looking like a bit of a dick, nevertheless I cleverly substitute my lack of tobacco dependance with tasty snacks- which means I now behave much as a smoker who had just given up smoking would - that is, substituting my nicotine cravings with food. I am putting on weight as a result, but alas, this is what I must do to fit in.
So far everything has been a bit of a blur, going to class again after so long is STRANGE. I am older now, I don't want to do shots in the pub at 5.00pm. Indeed, I realized just how much I had changed when confronted today with the prospect of shots and delivering a knee-jerk response: "you must be joking, at this hour? I haven't yet had tea"
OK, so I'm old and boring. That's one thing I've learned this week (but I secretly knew it already). Another novelty of starting school has been using my brain again. Let's be honest, anyone who used to work with me will know that once I knew I was leaving, my brain switched into standby/repeat for my final six months in the office. I leave school every day literally unable to talk to anyone, I flee to a quiet corner of Starbucks and nurse my shell shock with caffeinated drinks.
Another thing about going back to school is all the new people. They are everywhere and from everywhere. I love the diversity of the school, it brings all different perspectives to film making - we write short story scenarios in class and the diverse imaginative workings are really interesting...what is also amazing are the real life stories we have that we can all use and draw from.
That's it for now. MUST. SLEEP.
FILM SCHOOL!
DAY ONE
After long introductory speeches by the end of which you only hear the groans and yawns of a desperate audience, we were catapulted into the basics of film making.
"Go and make a film" they told us, having shown us how to assemble a camera, met only with expressions of confusion or horror among the class, I'm not sure which...
Given ten minutes to doodle a storyboard, we split into teams with the hope of deciphering our primitive stick-men and making something amazing. Camera carefully assembled, actors in place, it was time for action.
Surreal is not the word, so suddenly are you plunged into the world of film making and all the quirks and problems it produces. But after twenty five minutes I had made 'something'.
With trepidation I went, memory cards in hand, to the editing suite to see what on earth I had produced. After a crash course in editing (the collective expression of confusion and horror was again ever present) we made our films.
And then to bed.
After long introductory speeches by the end of which you only hear the groans and yawns of a desperate audience, we were catapulted into the basics of film making.
"Go and make a film" they told us, having shown us how to assemble a camera, met only with expressions of confusion or horror among the class, I'm not sure which...
Given ten minutes to doodle a storyboard, we split into teams with the hope of deciphering our primitive stick-men and making something amazing. Camera carefully assembled, actors in place, it was time for action.
Surreal is not the word, so suddenly are you plunged into the world of film making and all the quirks and problems it produces. But after twenty five minutes I had made 'something'.
With trepidation I went, memory cards in hand, to the editing suite to see what on earth I had produced. After a crash course in editing (the collective expression of confusion and horror was again ever present) we made our films.
And then to bed.
nearly the end...
My final months at my previous job were marked by days of tortuous expectation, pencil constantly poised to gauge my eyes from their sockets at any moment.
I am sure you can picture well my grief-stricken state when the day of departure finally came, alas I battled on and after at least ten minutes, my grief was assuaged and replaced with expectant joy as I looked ahead to film school! at last!
I am sure you can picture well my grief-stricken state when the day of departure finally came, alas I battled on and after at least ten minutes, my grief was assuaged and replaced with expectant joy as I looked ahead to film school! at last!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Your Only Weapon is Your Work
Following on from yesterday's blog post, I came across these wise words of advice from a letter written by John Steinbeck to fellow writer and friend Dennis Murphy.
Your Only Weapon Is Your Work
"You have a harder fight now than you’ve ever had. It is tough to battle opposition and disapproval but that’s easy compared to the subtle attack of approval and flattery. There’s nothing so nice as a compliment and if it can be true it’s even nicer but also there is nothing more weakening. You’ve done well against failure. Now let’s see how you defend yourself against success. Your only weapon is your work. Take everything you can but keep your work pure and innocent and fierce.
After you have finished let them have it, but while you are doing it for God’s sake, keep your holy loneliness."
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
A Personal Journey for Sharing
I sometimes wonder if the content of this blog is an acting substitute for a personal diary...all this gunk of ideas continuously spews and needs to be released somehow, it just so happens that it's released in a public space.
But in this line of work, there is an ever-present feeling of vulnerability. If I am making a film it involves the collaboration of others to share my ideas and in turn help to make a vision real. If I am writing a script (as I am currently doing for my Screenwriting class) it involves sharing with the rest of the class what I have written and sometimes the reason for my motives.
Writing and making films isn't something I do just to keep myself amused, it is an outlet for a large volume of ideas that need to be expressed and interpreted lest they fester in frustration. It is therefore natural that my projects come from a very personal place, and it can be daunting to make that leap and put it out there in public, open to scrutiny and inevitably criticism.
It can go both ways though, if you make a conscious leap of faith to share your work, you think to yourself "I don't know what peoples' reaction will be" -the butterflies in the stomach begin to stir. Most people begin by sharing their projects with close family, friends or tutors. In my experience, I have received nothing but supportive comments from great friends that realise how hard it can be to 'show yourself' in this way, and know that a positive comment, no matter how humble, can be like a rocket lifting your self esteem and incentivising you to go further.
A lot of the above says more about the kind nature of my friends than the quality of my work. In actual fact, I believe that criticism when given constructively can be more motivational than anything else. It is possible to get stuck in your vision sometimes -'writer's block' can apply to anyone who is moulding a concrete, physical piece from an abstract idea. It is then that you realise that you need other people, you need their buzz, their ideas and their energy to reinvigorate you and your projects - this includes criticism, praise, whatever it may be that helps you achieve your vision.
So in reflection, I come back to the opening statement of the post - about this blog serving sometimes as a personal diary, and in pondering this I am asking myself if it is appropriate to share these thoughts somewhere like this. I feel very much that it is, because often I write down these thoughts without having spoken to anyone else about them. Not only is it a way to unburden myself, but to reach out to others who are working in similar fields, and ask if this is the experience they have, and whether they have anything to add. After all, you can't do it completely by yourself...can you?
But in this line of work, there is an ever-present feeling of vulnerability. If I am making a film it involves the collaboration of others to share my ideas and in turn help to make a vision real. If I am writing a script (as I am currently doing for my Screenwriting class) it involves sharing with the rest of the class what I have written and sometimes the reason for my motives.
Writing and making films isn't something I do just to keep myself amused, it is an outlet for a large volume of ideas that need to be expressed and interpreted lest they fester in frustration. It is therefore natural that my projects come from a very personal place, and it can be daunting to make that leap and put it out there in public, open to scrutiny and inevitably criticism.
It can go both ways though, if you make a conscious leap of faith to share your work, you think to yourself "I don't know what peoples' reaction will be" -the butterflies in the stomach begin to stir. Most people begin by sharing their projects with close family, friends or tutors. In my experience, I have received nothing but supportive comments from great friends that realise how hard it can be to 'show yourself' in this way, and know that a positive comment, no matter how humble, can be like a rocket lifting your self esteem and incentivising you to go further.
A lot of the above says more about the kind nature of my friends than the quality of my work. In actual fact, I believe that criticism when given constructively can be more motivational than anything else. It is possible to get stuck in your vision sometimes -'writer's block' can apply to anyone who is moulding a concrete, physical piece from an abstract idea. It is then that you realise that you need other people, you need their buzz, their ideas and their energy to reinvigorate you and your projects - this includes criticism, praise, whatever it may be that helps you achieve your vision.
So in reflection, I come back to the opening statement of the post - about this blog serving sometimes as a personal diary, and in pondering this I am asking myself if it is appropriate to share these thoughts somewhere like this. I feel very much that it is, because often I write down these thoughts without having spoken to anyone else about them. Not only is it a way to unburden myself, but to reach out to others who are working in similar fields, and ask if this is the experience they have, and whether they have anything to add. After all, you can't do it completely by yourself...can you?
Monday, March 7, 2011
Day One
Most children will have been taught by their parents when growing up that they should never play on stairs, indeed most children should then grow up to possess at least a shred of common sense. Not me. I spent a good part of this Saturday afternoon balanced precariously on the landing of my Victorian staircase all in the good name of film making. Result? about 30 seconds of me staring blankly at a camera lens. This is exactly what I wanted to achieve, but it was only after having disassembled most of the living room furniture and broken the clothes horse that I realised hanging off a staircase was the best way to achieve my 'blank stare'. Perhaps I should explain...
I wanted to create a stark black and white picture - severe frame - severe haircut - severe expression. I intended to look a cross between a nazi camp guard and a loony science geek. I think I achieved the effect quite well...the character is a boy who suffers from Obsessive Compulsive behaviour, he is repressed and not doing what he wants to do. Living an inauthentic existence means that he is bound for failure and the more he fails, the more he must tighten his grip and regain control - hence the OCD. So I had to make sure I was firmly in the middle of the frame for preliminary photography, and because I had the misfortune of being alone whilst doing this, I had to rely on resourcefulness to achieve the effect - to the stairwell I went!
I'll upload some stills when I get home...
I wanted to create a stark black and white picture - severe frame - severe haircut - severe expression. I intended to look a cross between a nazi camp guard and a loony science geek. I think I achieved the effect quite well...the character is a boy who suffers from Obsessive Compulsive behaviour, he is repressed and not doing what he wants to do. Living an inauthentic existence means that he is bound for failure and the more he fails, the more he must tighten his grip and regain control - hence the OCD. So I had to make sure I was firmly in the middle of the frame for preliminary photography, and because I had the misfortune of being alone whilst doing this, I had to rely on resourcefulness to achieve the effect - to the stairwell I went!
I'll upload some stills when I get home...
Monday, February 28, 2011
ICA: TCP and Table Salt
I went to the ICA to see some free artistic events last night, there was an eclectic mix on offer. Try laser gunning an artist until a red strapless dress appears on his body…or taking part in a Sewing Machine race (a sort of snakes and ladders meets high-speed stitching) there was also a good folk band playing in a cavernous space romantically lit by candles – that was nice.
We went to see a play called ‘Growing Old With You’ which, in their own words: “attempts to document lived experience in real time”. I was none the wiser upon entering and…not much the wiser upon leaving. It seemed the performance revolved around a couple’s experience together in a relationship, and certainly didn’t leave you with a warm feeling of ‘togetherness’. One of the many silent role plays included the female artist rubbing her man down with TCP, much in the vigorous manner you would imagine employed by a matron during the war. She then covered him with three industrial sized tubs of salt whilst he finally gave in to sing her the theme to Home and Away (a song she had requested he sing on their first encounter apparently)
I applaud their highly physical role play which was compelling…however there was no grace to the choreography but rather a series of aggressive treatments (remember the TCP?) which gave a feeling that this relationship was a clunky and cold affair, that there was no tender, loving bind keeping this couple together. I even think they intended to irritate the audience with their long pauses and their emotional detachment from one another – I almost wanted to scream “lighten up!”
If it was their intention to irritate and estrange the audience then bravo, job done. But there was precious little information on what the piece was intended to portray, so it left you guessing. To be honest it wasn’t good enough to engage the audience and stimulate them to make their own interpretations.
At least it was free…
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
It all happened at once
Why is it that in life nothing seems to happen for a very long time and then suddenly it all happens at once? It would appear it does pay off to be patient (eventually) - for in the last week everything has happened - and all very positively but nonetheless it has left me in a bit of a delirious daze.
Let me start from the beginning. It has been my intention for a long while to study a One Year Practical Filmmaking Diploma in order to accumulate a lot of technical experience as well as a good and diverse portfolio of work. Well, that's what the logical side of my brain has long believed and thankfully has been in the driving seat, though the irrational neurotic side of the brain has still made itself heard and has ensured that my thoughts of the last few months about 'what to do' with my life have been frustrating, occasionally erring on the unbearable. I mean, what does an embryonic filmmaker have to go on we he doesn't have the experience that others have, as well as a nagging awareness that there is so much to learn about an industry that is so multi-faceted and competetive? I have relied mainly on gut instinct -going on the fact that it 'feels' right, and it really feels oh so right, more right than anything else in my life so far.
So in between these little mental workouts, I have been carrying on with my Screenwriting course as usual and scribbling illegible notes on the bus (not grafittying may I add, though it can occasionally be so bumpy that accidental graffitti of the seat or a woman's handbag may occur).
It just so happened that a week ago I called the MET Film School to inquire about their admissions deadline for the one year course, having read that they take applicants on a first-come-first-served basis. He said that I should be doing the application now and could I get it to him by the end of the week? I had expected him to say in the next month...
If there is any excuse for taking a few days off work this was one of them, and I got down to writing a long personal statement on what motivated me to do Filmmaking. It was very hard, especially because so many things inspire me. How can you pin down disparate, unarticulated thoughts into a structured, coherent essay? It took some time, but I appreciated the effectiveness of the exercise. It forced me to think seriously for the first time about what it is that drives me to want to do this, and in so doing, I started to take myself seriously for the first time. The cynical part of my brain was relegated to white noise - I no longer feared of myself that I might just be doing this all on a whim because it 'looked like fun'.
Anyway, once the application was finally submitted I was called on the spot by the admissions department asking if I would be free for an interview in 3 days. Another day's holiday happily booked, I braced myself for an hour of interrogation on the films I loved and what it was I wanted to achieve.
In reality it wasn't too daunting, the questions were quite probing, obviously they want to know that people are committed to the intense nature of this study before they accept you, but he was all the same very friendly and quickly put my nervous twiddling thumbs at ease.
The best part was being offered a place at the end of the interview, and whilst quietly maintaining a cool, composed outward manner, I was screaming for joy internally - ringing the church bells with gay abandon - HA!
That is when I knew. I knew that all the thought put into the application as well as the extraordinary emotional energy I had invested was all worth it. It was all I needed to be sure that I was doing the right thing. It is the first time in my life I have genuinely been proud of myself because I am following what I want to do and have done it myself. It's a good feeling.
The hard work starts now, but I am SO looking forward to it. I feel like life is beginning, and hopefully as it does I will be able to share my experiences on this blog because if experience is anything to go by, expect the unexpected when working in film!
Let me start from the beginning. It has been my intention for a long while to study a One Year Practical Filmmaking Diploma in order to accumulate a lot of technical experience as well as a good and diverse portfolio of work. Well, that's what the logical side of my brain has long believed and thankfully has been in the driving seat, though the irrational neurotic side of the brain has still made itself heard and has ensured that my thoughts of the last few months about 'what to do' with my life have been frustrating, occasionally erring on the unbearable. I mean, what does an embryonic filmmaker have to go on we he doesn't have the experience that others have, as well as a nagging awareness that there is so much to learn about an industry that is so multi-faceted and competetive? I have relied mainly on gut instinct -going on the fact that it 'feels' right, and it really feels oh so right, more right than anything else in my life so far.
So in between these little mental workouts, I have been carrying on with my Screenwriting course as usual and scribbling illegible notes on the bus (not grafittying may I add, though it can occasionally be so bumpy that accidental graffitti of the seat or a woman's handbag may occur).
It just so happened that a week ago I called the MET Film School to inquire about their admissions deadline for the one year course, having read that they take applicants on a first-come-first-served basis. He said that I should be doing the application now and could I get it to him by the end of the week? I had expected him to say in the next month...
If there is any excuse for taking a few days off work this was one of them, and I got down to writing a long personal statement on what motivated me to do Filmmaking. It was very hard, especially because so many things inspire me. How can you pin down disparate, unarticulated thoughts into a structured, coherent essay? It took some time, but I appreciated the effectiveness of the exercise. It forced me to think seriously for the first time about what it is that drives me to want to do this, and in so doing, I started to take myself seriously for the first time. The cynical part of my brain was relegated to white noise - I no longer feared of myself that I might just be doing this all on a whim because it 'looked like fun'.
Anyway, once the application was finally submitted I was called on the spot by the admissions department asking if I would be free for an interview in 3 days. Another day's holiday happily booked, I braced myself for an hour of interrogation on the films I loved and what it was I wanted to achieve.
In reality it wasn't too daunting, the questions were quite probing, obviously they want to know that people are committed to the intense nature of this study before they accept you, but he was all the same very friendly and quickly put my nervous twiddling thumbs at ease.
The best part was being offered a place at the end of the interview, and whilst quietly maintaining a cool, composed outward manner, I was screaming for joy internally - ringing the church bells with gay abandon - HA!
That is when I knew. I knew that all the thought put into the application as well as the extraordinary emotional energy I had invested was all worth it. It was all I needed to be sure that I was doing the right thing. It is the first time in my life I have genuinely been proud of myself because I am following what I want to do and have done it myself. It's a good feeling.
The hard work starts now, but I am SO looking forward to it. I feel like life is beginning, and hopefully as it does I will be able to share my experiences on this blog because if experience is anything to go by, expect the unexpected when working in film!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
People's Picturehouse: Saturday 22nd January: Werner Herzog double bill.....
People's Picturehouse: Saturday 22nd January: Werner Herzog double bill.....: "The People's Picturehouse is proud to present: a Werner Herzog double bill. This Saturday we will be showing Lessons of Darkness (52m) ..."
Friday, January 7, 2011
Clio Barnard - Before the Arbor, BAFTA.
Back in October I went to see The Arbor, Clio Barnard's film about the troubled lives of deceased playwrite Andrea Dunbar's children. It used the voices of her real children lipsynched by actors and interspersed with scenes from Dunbar's plays about the Brafferton Arbor estate in Bradford.
It was a powerful piece of work -a mix of fictional story and documentary aesthetic -that's her style. She will be talking about her earlier short-film work at BAFTA this Saturday evening. If you can get down there, do because it looks set to be a really interesting event.
More info below:
http://www.bafta.org/public-event.html?Pevent=com.othermedia.bafta.model.BaftaEvent-L-6198966
It was a powerful piece of work -a mix of fictional story and documentary aesthetic -that's her style. She will be talking about her earlier short-film work at BAFTA this Saturday evening. If you can get down there, do because it looks set to be a really interesting event.
More info below:
http://www.bafta.org/public-event.html?Pevent=com.othermedia.bafta.model.BaftaEvent-L-6198966
London Short Film Festival - opens tonight!
The London Short Film Festival opens tonight at the ICA just off Trafalgar Sq. In its eighth year, it will be banishing those winter blues with some feel-good films being shown this evening. Definitely a festival to set your sights for if you're making films...
http://2011.shortfilms.org.uk/
http://2011.shortfilms.org.uk/
2011: Year of Action
The title of this post is my manisfesto for 2011. I have been stuck in a job for which I have no passion for too long now and I cannot exagerate about how frustrated I feel working day in and day out on projects that are completely devoid of any interest for me. Somewhat perversely though, I am grateful because if it were not for this job I probably wouldn't be on the road to doing what I really want to do - and to have an idea of what you 'really' want to do at 24 is pretty good.
So, year of action: that means making films, getting them seen by other people, meeting other film makers, getting my script treatment done, oh and trying to get into Film School. I like to set my targets high! but are they realistic? well, it will be a challenge but I need a challenge because it is the only way to break this current cycle and move on to new things. I have to remember to take it easy sometimes though - I tend to think that filling each and every minute of my time after work on film stuff is a worthwhile thing, but inevitably it will just poop me out.
Anyway, I am editing a short film at the moment - just a quickie thing I made at New Year of friends in various degrees of innebriation, but they make curiously brilliant subjects. Oh it is fun fun fun! this is what life is about - a bit of creative exploration and it means working with other people a lot as well, putting creative minds together, god that is what I crave more than anything.
I will keep you posted, if you're at all interested...
So, year of action: that means making films, getting them seen by other people, meeting other film makers, getting my script treatment done, oh and trying to get into Film School. I like to set my targets high! but are they realistic? well, it will be a challenge but I need a challenge because it is the only way to break this current cycle and move on to new things. I have to remember to take it easy sometimes though - I tend to think that filling each and every minute of my time after work on film stuff is a worthwhile thing, but inevitably it will just poop me out.
Anyway, I am editing a short film at the moment - just a quickie thing I made at New Year of friends in various degrees of innebriation, but they make curiously brilliant subjects. Oh it is fun fun fun! this is what life is about - a bit of creative exploration and it means working with other people a lot as well, putting creative minds together, god that is what I crave more than anything.
I will keep you posted, if you're at all interested...
Sunday, January 2, 2011
falling into 2011...
It's that time of year that sends a cold shiver of dread down most turkeys' spines. Actually that has passed now, It's 2011 already. The Christmas excesses have been stomached (just about) the champagne glasses have clinked (far too many times) and I am now on the other side of the holiday marathon contemplating the return to routine.
Christmas did not start well -I know it never does but 2010 was a blinder. It started with the office Christmas party the Friday before. We decided, as it was so bloody cold outside, that it made perfect sense to seal doom for our already alcohol battered immune systems and spend a good hour in the ice bar. To be fair they do give you attractive 'Scottish Widow' outfits at the front door that keep you snug and warm but they do not warm your toes, and I cannot abide cold toes.
Anyway, some time after the indigestible festive meal we stand queuing to enter some gloriously chavtastic dive called Strawberry Moons, when a fight breaks out knocking my dear colleague to the floor in the overspill. I recall shouting something like "stop it you brutes!" before calmly entering the establishment still reeling from the whole thing. Many hours later I leave this orgy of fake tan and go home harbouring a vicious little stomach bug. I spend the next few days with my head not too far from a toilet bowl quietly panicking about the fact that it is already December 23rd, I am incapable of movement and I have done no Christmas shopping. I did consider that it would be the perfect excuse for cancelling christmas and giving no presents, but that just wouldn't wash with the people I know - they would batter the door down at my death bed with interrogative demands and poke me with sticks.
Anyway, once the great sickness of 2010 had finally subsided I had about 3 hours left to do ALL my christmas shopping (only once I had had a long lunch with my father, of course - dutch courage). All in all it was successful -I nearly dropped a glove in the urinal, knocked 5 Japanese tourists over, spent 15 minutes on Oxford Street (quite enough) and was back in Clapham in time to raise a glass for gin lady christmas. I could gloat for Britain, except that I then spent the next 24 hours throwing up again...back to reality with a gut-wrenching thud.
I would go on and recount Christmas and New Year but my neck hurts and I'm too darn sleepy. Tomorrow I plan contemplate the amount of Screenwriting work I have to do in ever mounting hysteria. At least Marc has opened that good bottle of red...
Christmas did not start well -I know it never does but 2010 was a blinder. It started with the office Christmas party the Friday before. We decided, as it was so bloody cold outside, that it made perfect sense to seal doom for our already alcohol battered immune systems and spend a good hour in the ice bar. To be fair they do give you attractive 'Scottish Widow' outfits at the front door that keep you snug and warm but they do not warm your toes, and I cannot abide cold toes.
Anyway, some time after the indigestible festive meal we stand queuing to enter some gloriously chavtastic dive called Strawberry Moons, when a fight breaks out knocking my dear colleague to the floor in the overspill. I recall shouting something like "stop it you brutes!" before calmly entering the establishment still reeling from the whole thing. Many hours later I leave this orgy of fake tan and go home harbouring a vicious little stomach bug. I spend the next few days with my head not too far from a toilet bowl quietly panicking about the fact that it is already December 23rd, I am incapable of movement and I have done no Christmas shopping. I did consider that it would be the perfect excuse for cancelling christmas and giving no presents, but that just wouldn't wash with the people I know - they would batter the door down at my death bed with interrogative demands and poke me with sticks.
Anyway, once the great sickness of 2010 had finally subsided I had about 3 hours left to do ALL my christmas shopping (only once I had had a long lunch with my father, of course - dutch courage). All in all it was successful -I nearly dropped a glove in the urinal, knocked 5 Japanese tourists over, spent 15 minutes on Oxford Street (quite enough) and was back in Clapham in time to raise a glass for gin lady christmas. I could gloat for Britain, except that I then spent the next 24 hours throwing up again...back to reality with a gut-wrenching thud.
I would go on and recount Christmas and New Year but my neck hurts and I'm too darn sleepy. Tomorrow I plan contemplate the amount of Screenwriting work I have to do in ever mounting hysteria. At least Marc has opened that good bottle of red...
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