Your Only Weapon is Your Work

Following on from yesterday's blog post, I came across these wise words of advice from a letter written by John Steinbeck to fellow writer and friend Dennis Murphy.

Your Only Weapon Is Your Work

"You have a harder fight now than you’ve ever had. It is tough to battle opposition and disapproval but that’s easy compared to the subtle attack of approval and flattery. There’s nothing so nice as a compliment and if it can be true it’s even nicer but also there is nothing more weakening. You’ve done well against failure. Now let’s see how you defend yourself against success. Your only weapon is your work. Take everything you can but keep your work pure and innocent and fierce.

After you have finished let them have it, but while you are doing it for God’s sake, keep your holy loneliness."

A Personal Journey for Sharing

I sometimes wonder if the content of this blog is an acting substitute for a personal diary...all this gunk of ideas continuously spews and needs to be released somehow, it just so happens that it's released in a public space.

But in this line of work, there is an ever-present feeling of vulnerability. If I am making a film it involves the collaboration of others to share my ideas and in turn help to make a vision real. If I am writing a script (as I am currently doing for my Screenwriting class) it involves sharing with the rest of the class what I have written and sometimes the reason for my motives.

Writing and making films isn't something I do just to keep myself amused, it is an outlet for a large volume of ideas that need to be expressed and interpreted lest they fester in frustration. It is therefore natural that my projects come from a very personal place, and it can be daunting to make that leap and put it out there in public, open to scrutiny and inevitably criticism.

It can go both ways though, if you make a conscious leap of faith to share your work, you think to yourself "I don't know what peoples' reaction will be" -the butterflies in the stomach begin to stir. Most people begin by sharing their projects with close family, friends or tutors. In my experience, I have received nothing but supportive comments from great friends that realise how hard it can be to 'show yourself' in this way, and know that a positive comment, no matter how humble, can be like a rocket lifting your self esteem and incentivising you to go further.

A lot of the above says more about the kind nature of my friends than the quality of my work. In actual fact, I believe that criticism when given constructively can be more motivational than anything else. It is possible to get stuck in your vision sometimes -'writer's block' can apply to anyone who is moulding a concrete, physical piece from an abstract idea. It is then that you realise that you need other people, you need their buzz, their ideas and their energy to reinvigorate you and your projects - this includes criticism, praise, whatever it may be that helps you achieve your vision.

So in reflection, I come back to the opening statement of the post - about this blog serving sometimes as a personal diary, and in pondering this I am asking myself if it is appropriate to share these thoughts somewhere like this. I feel very much that it is, because often I write down these thoughts without having spoken to anyone else about them. Not only is it a way to unburden myself, but to reach out to others who are working in similar fields, and ask if this is the experience they have, and whether they have anything to add. After all, you can't do it completely by yourself...can you?

Day One

Most children will have been taught by their parents when growing up that they should never play on stairs, indeed most children should then grow up to possess at least a shred of common sense. Not me. I spent a good part of this Saturday afternoon balanced precariously on the landing of my Victorian staircase all in the good name of film making. Result? about 30 seconds of me staring blankly at a camera lens. This is exactly what I wanted to achieve, but it was only after having disassembled most of the living room furniture and broken the clothes horse that I realised hanging off a staircase was the best way to achieve my 'blank stare'. Perhaps I should explain...

I wanted to create a stark black and white picture - severe frame - severe haircut - severe expression. I intended to look a cross between a nazi camp guard and a loony science geek. I think I achieved the effect quite well...the character is a boy who suffers from Obsessive Compulsive behaviour, he is repressed and not doing what he wants to do. Living an inauthentic existence means that he is bound for failure and the more he fails, the more he must tighten his grip and regain control - hence the OCD. So I had to make sure I was firmly in the middle of the frame for preliminary photography, and because I had the misfortune of being alone whilst doing this, I had to rely on resourcefulness to achieve the effect - to the stairwell I went!

I'll upload some stills when I get home...